i am tired. i went to work three days this work to get ready for my presentation on monday and to get my kids' schedules figured out. glad i've been going for a few hours because it's definitely going to be an adjustment going back full-time. i'm looking forward to it, though. i miss my kids. i'm going down from 13 to 5 on my caseload so far. i called a student's home today to see how their summer was and the student informed me they're moving to new mexico next month... still have to confirm, but it's hard saying goodbye to kids.

marriage is hard. i'm realizing what a difficult person i must be to live with. i need to be consciously aware of my words and actions and how they affect my relationship. our opposite schedules definitely affect me a lot. one good things is that r was able to change his days off to thurs/fri. same hours, which isn't great, but it will be nice to spend friday nights with r again. i miss date nights.

r made the comment last night that i seem "checked out" spiritually, and he's right. it has been too long since i prayed more than when a friend asks for it or i need something, and i can't remember the last time i read my bible or any other theological books. i feel really shitty about this, and i know that i need to work on it.

I am the first one to say that I have a problem with being territorial with r and his female friends. r has always been one of those guys who has gotten along better with girls than guys. his chivalry, respect, and appreciation for women is one of the things I love best about him. I have no reason not to trust him, and I do trust him, with everything I've got. however, my feathers still get a little ruffled when I feel like a line gets crossed by his lady friends (always verbal, never anything else).

when I was growing up, it was explicitly taught to me that there are unwritten boundaries that go up between friends of the opposite sex when one or both of them are in relationships and/or married. in the beginning of our relationship, r and I had to communicate quite often what our views on this issue were. I, for one, had no desire to maintain the closeness in relationships I had with guys. he, however, had several friendships where he thought of the friend as a "little sister." I've learned to back off here and just deal, because it really isn't anything to get worked up about.

it has probably been over a year since I last got defensive about r and his friendships. I think it's important to note that I don't think r crosses any lines. I was thinking about this matter recently, and I thought about the phrase "I love you" and how it fits into this context. in and of itself, I don't think these three little words are harmful. however, a single lady telling a married man this is all kinds of out of line to me. think about the wife, girls. and, if you would like to become good friends with her, be careful how you act towards her man. also - she might want to become better friends with you but it's not going to happen if you talk to her husband about all your problems. especially problems having to do with her.

gah. probably going to regret this post in the morning.

I have been working really hard this summer to improve my eating habits and to be more active. so far I think I’ve lost about 12 pounds. I’ve been doing wiifit for my workouts. I was thinking about wiifit today, and I think one of the reasons I like it is because I’ve created avatars of family and close friends. I think it helps me a lot to have those closest to me cheering me on throughout whatever activity I’m doing. plus, it will sound stupid, but I like seeing ricky via the game because I hardly ever see him any other time. :D

there’s only one more week of summer break before I start back at work. we are going camping this tues/wed for our last chance before the school year. then the first weekend of the school year, ricky and I are going to seattle for my brother’s wedding. the following weekend is thegathering’s camping trip over labor day weekend. busy, busy.

last week ricky’s dad joe got into a motocross accident. he broke six ribs, and his shoulder blade is in three pieces. ricky didn’t go to work last week so he would be available to check on his dad. it was so nice seeing him all this week. I can’t wait until his schedule changes to days or he finds a different job.

we got a cat and a kitten last week. we lost mow about a few weeks ago, and ihs was having $10 cats/kittens. the cat is named max, and the kitten is named simon.

...

got up early this morning to do some yard work. I hate yard work. I had to pull a bunch of weeds. ricky left early this morning for music practice at church. I feel bad for him. he got home from work at 3am last night after working since 3pm. then he had to get up at 7 this morning. and then he has to work a full day again after church.

i'm sure i'm oblivious to what's going on in other people's lives, but i really don't think most of the people we know at church are aware of our opposite schedules and how little we actually see each other. the only time I am going to see ricky during the school year is tues/wed evenings, and i won't get home until about 6. any other time we "see" each other, the other person is asleep. people ask me where ricky is when he's not with me and HELLO. he's working. he has been working nights for over a year, people! pay attention!

not ever seeing your spouse really affects your relationship. he's been looking for other opportunities, because he needs to be making more money and have better hours. he's thought about going back to hardwood, but there's no way he could give up his medication again.